minerVault
because its a gold mineby minerVa. contains everything i create
Poetry
(in chronological order in which i wrote them)
A feeling only SHE can replicate
love is unconditional and blossoms in truth
and reveals the noose from your past tied loose
hate is a mirror it cracks in your path
are these concepts not self destruction with its wrath?
polar like losing either emotion to a notion
opposites and forevermore in slow motion
Time is bittersweet its
a presence, a concept, and a key
yet it cant be the death of me
i've affected enough space to be immortalized
between the lines
metaphorically i literally do not care
who are you to tell me when i'll die?
when you already left my mind
next time look both ways when you cross it
i'll be in the planes cockpit
look at the clock and watch it
waited till 5 then i tossed it
then crash into you since i lost it
this is aimed at anyone that says that
the end of my brain waves are the end of me
perceptually i can see you'll forever remember me
how will i end this poem lets see
i'll contribute 4 more lines i reach,
past reality or ideologies
to your mask and rip it off
just to say
sing about me,
im important.
the poison in my alcohol is potent
my cars horsepower allows me to floor it
step on the gas and wrap around a pole
stripper from a hour before already forgot me and wanted more in her portfolio
thats unfortunate but i dont care anyway
atleast i have a friend but i forgot their name
i swear im not a liar
i can prove it ill give you a few facts
honey never spoils and dont play with fire
why are you asking if im okay anyway look at my attire
oh right im fine why would i lie
if you keep asking ill just be wasting your time
it was just a hook to the poem nothing to worry about
why do you keep worrying its nothing to cry about
here let me turn your frown upside down
we can go out to eat and youll see my car cant go past 100 now
my 0-60 is double the time i take to drive
im not a liar you can see for yourself
not today though i have somewhere else to be, see you next time
im alive im alive stop texting me alright?
ill be back in a bit and im still not a liari sounded tipsy on the phone i need to quit
atleast thats what you think but i resist
i swallow my sorrows in deep regret
i know i was clear with what i said
you drive to my house anyway
maybe you wanted my red car before saturday
then im found without a neckyet the world kept spinning.
A feeling only she can replicate.
The feeling is unique so is all of yours
you defended me if i wasted time on chores
but you refuse to help with my threats
i imagine you probably wanted me dead
my worth to you was outdated when you started dating
but still i couldnt obtain a reason on why you hate me
you couldve seen how my past is stained with pomegranate seeds
but you ruined that the second you turned your back on me
you decided all that mattered was feeding him sardines
i yelled and she didnt get it she decided theres more she could takeA feeling only she can replicate.
my suspicions and intution were correct
your not delicate but my desires clouded my thoughts, i confess
look at my regrets and say if you feel the same
except i wont listen because your tongue leaves me in pain
ill die on the hill and believe it was fame
everytime i touch you it burns but im a masochist
so ill write until memories of you are ingrained
sometimes i smell your scent all i smell is regret
is she detached or deranged either way ill never forget her faceA feeling only she can replicate
i conjecture your clean description
is calibrated to critters' criteria
my criteria is narrow and crystal clear
dont compare us i can comprehend your lens
forensics would say your sediments make me crave cause
clearing my check is a accomplishment that deserves praise
anyway i contemplate the fate of you captivating my cordiality in a foreign city state
if your ever feeling the hearts critics ill buy you chocolate
i cant help it itsA feeling only she can replicate.
if we hang out again do you think we can make it special
like we open up and i say how
you could've saved me twice
put this poem into a story so you know nice my life is
we can talk about your ex and how she was kissed on her neck
we can go to her house and smell her regret
drive away, into a arcade and play until we need a break
my sister retains resentment towards your face
but i don't blame you i understand why you excessively delay
ill make it work anywayA feeling only she can replicate.
the only feeling you replicate is hate
its not my fault i know your fate is to OD
that's not a exaggeration i wish you didn't know me
how do you mess up luxury by a old lady
now your old on drugs but you cant pay me
we cant compromise unless you get your dad to wear a condom next time
if you find him tell him i said he deserves to be tried in the court of law
you love your deranged mind but hate your addiction
do you feel like a mouse in a trap
my eyes are on your achievements so i guess nothing is staring back
your looking at about 20 beers and 19 tears
18 peers that all have glock 17's
ill put 16 in you before you can count to 15
on 14 drugs you bought with the stolen 13 grand
im looking to shoot through all 12 people influencing you in your stolen minivan
11 of your remaining cells with dignity are going through apoptosis
you should do the same
10 dollars to your name and 9 people who hate you
spend it on a 8 ball and ask if your 7 choices were worth it
have more 6 and maybe they will do the job for me
ill give them 5 dollars and a tissue to dry my eyes
before i follow through take 3 seconds to look at yourself in the mirror
you probably cant feel and thats not satisfying 2 me
you need to be 1 more line from death
release all your phosphate please.
my stomach turns me inside out
my lower intestine begs to get out
i had a dream with you and it was directed by picasso
the rope is around my throat like a lasso
the scent of my blood smells like you and i smell regret
but in a sense its a relief you havent left
did they make you feel something if so then i amount to nothing
im sorry my miscalculation made us uneasy
im queasy and its cheesy how my hopeless poems sound
the pool late at night and the pool at your house
make a pool from alcohol and feel the noose now
its a metaphor for how constricted my vocals sound
the voices are loud my bottles are coming up short
now im hungover, cloudy thoughts so i shoot them all out.
now im on my death bed
thats just a simple phrase i use
to symbolize the humanity of my truce
go in the dictionary just to find words i'll never use
im on the bed alone, high on fumes-
aka- thoughts of you
i predicted this many months maybe years ago
the fact that i was right just goes to show
the life of the show can be composed of many notes
my knowledge is acknowleging my dispair
is caused by a group of smokers and a rotary phone pair
theres some tension that i'll never mention
because even before adolescence i tried to amend trips
i thought i did but it was my path too internal damnation
its crazy how easy a word can control it
but i cant find the word to control it
save me or save yourself. stay on your feet
dont hang from a rope it freigtens me
if you dont you'll be buried alive if you disagree then enlighten me-
theres some questions i want to ask you
i have to wait to ask on my death bed
because then theres no volume in which i have to tread-
i would write it down but it must remain unsaid
why cant we just be friends?
why do i have to be less?
why do i see your contents are complex but still get seen as a mess?
why must i ask the question and not be sure?
why must i learn to tie a rope too feel felt?
what else is there to feel if your everyone else?
i could answer that if i ever found myself.
i never feel cute or happy
im so lonely why cant you just ask me
you drowned out my empathy
now i drown you all out
drowning in a broken family
teacher counting students im excluded from the headcount
im sure im overthinking.
i dont care anymore aslong as i make it out
theres this hole in my heart
im not sure how to fill it
graph the heart on a chart
it says that im the worst by far
im so guilty im filled with question marks
judge me for discussions you saved and
sentence me to a life sentence in a second
i hurt myself i suppose im masochist
i suppose you can only talk with the lights dim
spotlights on you you'd rather talk to your "real" friends
it works for you but you'll never find someone realer than me
i dont care but i check on you periodically
my feelings are null and void like a android
not sure what in me you found
maybe my heart because you ripped it right out
your yelling over me you know i cant shout
my mask muffles my noise so now our texts are a drought
you used to be a river now your all just sound
aslong you dont touch me i'll continue to drown you all out
fine and short lines, im 6 inching to comatose
you all suddenly wonder what causes my overdose
6 feet under when im treated like a pale white ghost
my flow is for show and i show things you dont know
like that corroded concrete pavement
taking melancholy steps like im being followed by satan
im too stoic to be a poet
im a bloody poet with a bloodier past blood on my heart because i know itll never last
i write with a bloody pen with blood ink
bleed through your tv screen, really just think
cut myself, bleed, and accept my fate
if im acting crazy then i guess i must be laced
i love my blood because i hate my face
i love it so much i can talk about it all day
and i'll never get enough.
infact i bother you way too much
did you ever say it? no but i felt it in your touch
your on my mind with a bunch of other stuff
i felt the distance and the withdrawal
it makes me feel helpless, like i dont know you at all
feel deep red dripping out, my body is decomposing
im so weak i need addiction that is potent and controlling
control my senses and ease the pain
even if its a dream it'd be the same thing
i wake up and seem like the same name
but my conscioussness feels like a old routine
stuck in the same habits and swear im sane
stuck in the same loop, im in the same game
you'll never see past my mask into my thoughts
keep trying the same thing
you'll never reach me in time
remember me by the blood on my suicidal rhymes
you were an idiot to ever believe i was fine
you'll never know what i do in my free time
i do more than write i bust open veins like im in a dream state
i dream and scream about it
i cant think or sleep without it
it hurts so good im writing it down
set the setting with the scene of me drowning my sleepless nights out
set the scene in a beautifal red night gown
i read through the vomit messages my thoughts want to scream outloud
i read atleast 9 i guess one size does fit all
i remember when i was like 9 you threw me off
9 years later im still off the track suplex you all
27 times i wrote about suicide
now 36 when fourth writes about you and i
it sucks so much im not sure why i even try
i refuse to open up, matter fact i'd rather die
furthermore your the one who gave me more
i found something to ease the pain in my heart that is sore
and i was alive again, nevermore.
im so alone
waitress pour my drink
as im poised with ink
maybe i can write well im seeing minerVa's vision
i hope i can articulate myself as i write my final note
i cant help but wonder what words to think
wonder why she washes her hands in the sink
and why the substance in my drink
is making my throat go ghostand im so-
do you get the message yet?
ill talk to you on my death bed
and youll turn your blind head
then you want my trust? i lack an emotion.
im so closed off i could never be open
i could distance myself so far
that my head rests on mars
or through a window
after i crash my car
wearing dior as i pull my plug
even if i cut out the source
her affection is still an addictive drug
i open and roll my own in a porsche
im 3 bottles down and im 3 more short
im feeling my thoughts heavy, the blades rust is erect
my feelings will be dead, my third attempt my life has no meaning and i bask in poison regret
the liquid has no meaning and there are no ends
i understand now my thoughts are laced with dread
this is just water with lemon its all in my head
and its my fault nobody sits at my rock after my death
my body drifts through the stars and space shifts my mind, wasteful
i see the earths beauty, mankinds hate makes life distasteful
trust issues, its my decision to keep it to myself
if i did love someone it would be the death of vision
death of my facade the moment one x made me hollow
my mentals on a high pedestal and its jumping off
when it hits gravel the biggest reaction is a cough
my thick bloody ink is drawing the perfect picture now
my ink is so bloody it overloads the printers mind
my beating heart calling for an answer on my meaning
does it lie in art? do i persist till death do us part?
when i die will i be forgotten? will i really care?
do what thou wilt its still incomparable against life
maybe i like downs in my mind, maybe it keeps me higheverything seems so far away from me in my mind
they ask if im alright, i mumble a short reply
something like how my lens capture vivid images
the mirror reflects dimly, the teeth soothing my hair
the air is cold, my face is blank, my phone is empty
atoms out of place, drifting softly to a rhythm
rhythm being white noise reflecting through a prism
a prison we're all kept in reflecting eachother
mirror is misty already sixty minutes late
late to a place i would stare at the walls anyway
thinking is too misty, thoughts sound like tv static
turn the tv off, hate the image it was playing
it reflects on me, broadcasting for the world to seecould i ever grasp the concept of you and i?
people i idolize seem to have no answer
drivers license or a autobiography
everybody writes like they're a type of cancer
but nobody knows what the label really means
it grows in the body but wont fix self esteem
but even if we understood no one would care
the identity of me or an abstract mind
would not make an eye gleam only turn a blind eye
meaning they cant see signs of losing you and i
life casts out the outcasts, then mocks the body bags
atleast when the world ends we tell life we lived iteven if i reach first percentile, im scared
fear fills me whole i could never pay it off
die randomly and be buried in a hole
could be alone till death the world is so cold
its a fear of mine i hate to admit it
my soulmate must be the soul put in my pen
it is the only thing that understands me
im scared it will be like this endlessly
on my death bed, vivid fluorescent lights
alone as the air gets much colder tonight
im scared of the beeping stopping suddenlythis hatred burns inside me its lovely
everybody that ive burned trusted me
relatable never vulnerable
hate all things, only thing affordable
i cause so much harm i'd hate myself too
imbue myself with a burning passion
it siphons my pen then the reaction
i guess interaction makes you go deaf
me exactly only i can be rude
sure call me a hypocrite, so are you"ask for help" i ask the wrong person
i have no friends and no extroversion
no acceptance with all my curses
love, just a chemical reaction
i hate it. i feel no attraction
i tend to attract the wrong person
cry in my mattress, play with matches
fire burns me its quite attractive
fire like love for me thats passivepickpocket purses at churches
victims are poor need of purpose
no need to believe, fine with death
the nothingness, my afterlife.
and is also my only friend.
logical fallacies and a
flawed anatomy makes me think
my spirit is washed in a sinkif my writing is simple
they will always see through me
degree or hand wont change that
heed comes far from where i stand
i dont care ill keep my "grand"
my heart resides in blank space
and the state is cryonicslottery im gonna
get rich or die trying
upside down 9 comma
death, my grand overtone
rich and antidrama
death bed, i die aloneall things around me
eats at me always
eyes always on me
anxious antidotes
always just a jokeand if i could
read someones mind
the things i'd find
void feeling fineall alone
in a house
with no homeblank page
no inkstill
i dont need constant compliments
or cold sugarcoated evaluations
i know myself and i know i hate it
my intelligence is cut short from the binet test
the bickering and constant conflict inside my head
wont ever be resolved, i stand on what i said
addictive personalities corrupt the people around me
and if it got to me i'd need a molotov and some sleep
weed and alcohol memories banging on my dreams
for every minute that i am a child
i would never transfer my conscious even though
i hate how i always think about everything
always chisel my philosophy to perfection
and write the way i see it in my perspective
in my view everybody is insufferable
dissociating anyway so im slightly more lenient
lady deaths wet dream and the mirrors worst nightmare
she gives me a sour kiss, im infatuated with the abyss
my potent words poison your proud mind my priceless lexicon
plus most self actualized writer im a demigod
the volume of the world is on my head
my vision sees all and im not proud of what ive seen
im scared of my open mind plus it kills my self esteem
yet my voice stays intact while i write these fine lines
take it as a low blow like a bird does a facedive
and if you could fly you'd do the same you already drink and drive
take my mind and divide it into a pie graph
eat your slice slowly or itll be the second time you crash
im here to tell you the more you lean the more you fallback
nobody will catch you then youll break your spine in half
which means i could never be too reliant
leaning on someone else is death i accept the cold hard truth
even if you talked to them about the distance
theyd never come back to you
quantum physics could never describe my brain
still, i hate myself but i can live with it